I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
3 2 1 whiskey
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
