i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
