dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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