But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
