I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
