i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
