dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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