Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
