I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
