Got a toothbrush?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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