using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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