I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
