i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
