the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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