We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
These tits shall not be calmed
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
where are my eyebrows?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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