my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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