She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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