Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
3 2 1 whiskey
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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