apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
