Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
