i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
