I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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