She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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