I want to have your abortion
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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