bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
