You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
