In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
