So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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