I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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