I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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