i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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