My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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