She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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