I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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