were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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