Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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