all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
