she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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