420 ftw
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
