cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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