? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
