Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
