you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
