brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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