I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
