I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
