One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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