Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
