woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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