A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She's JV to your varsity
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
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Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize