i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
