How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
