Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
