My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
