i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
