i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
