we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We left an ass print on the piano.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am one with the molecules
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
