I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
