i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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