no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
