FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
