it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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