dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
