is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
