we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
