Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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