tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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