"it" just moved
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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