some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
