my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
