I'm drive I can fine osifer
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
